Tuesday, March 20, 2007

15 flaws of marriage

I always hear people question me when I tell them that I don't believe in marriage. Society tells us that in order to be a success in the world we need to be married and that being shackled to another person until death is better than individual freedom. Marriage works for many people so if you're married I hope you don't take offense to anything I write here these are reasons that marriage just doesn't compute for me.
#1 Since I was an only child, I think I embrace solitude more than someone from a larger family. I love being alone and having the opition to escape from human contact if I feel like it. The idea of having to hang out with the same person, everyday for the rest of my life seems so boring and trite to me. With a wife you have to come home everynight, and be around her during 90% of your free time. I like variety in who I hang out with. I enjoy the company of a girl, but not the same one everyday. I like to hang with friends but not the same one everyday, I also love being alone, but not all the time. It's about balance, just like people need a good balance of all 5 food groups in their diet, and just like a smart person needs to stay moderate in their political beliefs. Because the minute you say you're 100% liberal and you're focusing all your efforts on bashing republicans that's when the democrats will start pulling some bullshit and you'll be too blinded to even realize what's going on. That's what marriage is, it's like radical politics but instead of government it's radical relationship-ism. (Of course that's a word, I wouldn't make something like that up)
#2 Marriage is basically a religious union. I believe if I loved someone enough I could live with her, and basically have the same life as a married couple. (Kinda like Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell) I beleive in God, however I am extremely opposed to any organized religion. I don't think there is a bigger cancer on soceity than religion. Therefore I refuse to have some bullshit religious ceremony for some Preist/Pastor to tell me when and how I can love my wife. I have more respect for the mindset of a 2 year old than I do for a preist or pastor. I was rased Catholic and I've seen religion work for a great many people, however, I am not one of these people. I've seen it get in the way of too much rationality, logic and science throughout the years. Not to mention most of the wars throughout history have been rooted in religion. Even this bullshit Iraq war is a cultural thing between radical muslims and a neo-con christian president. Therefore for me to get married is like saying that I support religion and that's just not gonna happen. Even if I were to get married in a courthouse, I would still know that the roots of marrige were founded in religion.
#3 I think love is a beautiful thing and I would hate to ruin something as beautiful as that, with paperwork, rules, and licensing. It retains it's purity between the 2 individuals, not the 2 individuals plus a pastor, and the state of Michigan or wherever.
#4 Weddings are a waste of money. Even if the parents are loaded. I've had many of my friends go into a 5 year debt because they wanted to have a fun little party for 1 night and a rented church. It doesn't compute. I would much rather have that money for a down payment on a house and bills. If I ever do decide to bite the bullet and get married, I'm going to Vegas, then I'm gonna get married by Elvis or something for $9.99 + tax. And there will not be a reception!!
#5 I'm realistic about divorce, over 50% of marriage's end in divorce so I'm not so cocky enough in my love for someone that I would dismiss that as a possible outcome. Things happen, people change, different ideals, etc. I don't want to ever go through a divorce, they're messy and people look down on them, even if it was the other persons fault. Because the scales are tipped in such favor for the female. I'm leary of being caught in that trap.
6# As I just mentioned the scales of justice favor the females greatly. If i was a female, it's no big deal because unless the woman gets caught by the cops smoking crack and choking a baby, the state will award her the money, the kids, the house, and the power. Then the man would have to move into his parents house because he wouldn't be able to afford rent, alimony, child support, and the other bills. For a woman, this makes marriage much more low-risk than it is for a man so I can understand why girls get more excited about this type of thing because for them it's a win/win.
#7 I'm very flighty and my opinions and feelings can change with the wind. I don't like anything permanant. The same reason I would never get a tattoo. I love the band Slayer, I have since I was 5 years old. But I would never get a tattoo because what if they started making country albums, then I'd be stuck with a tattoo that I would hate. Well on the flip side of that coin, what if I was head over heels in love with a girl in my late 20's but by my 30's the reality of it is she's a miserable opinated judgemental person that made me dread even going home? Once again, things happen, people change. I've seen marriage change more people than anything else on this planet.
8# Many people that get married are way too young, and I don't think they know what they want in life. If somebody gets married before the age of at least 25 I am just absolutely baffled. I am a completely different person than I was when I was 20. In only 6 years since then I probably wouldn't even recognize myself at the age of 20. I continue to grow and become wiser and with that wisdom I think that 35 is the ideal age to get married if it's something that you must do. My parents were married when my mom was 18 and my dad was 20. My mom was the only girlfriend my dad ever had, luckily it worked out for them but that's rare. There is an entire world of mates out there and to settle before you ever have a chance to know what you're looking for and play the field seems very restricting.
#9 Marriage hinders individuality. There are so many things I want to do with my life. I need to be free in order to accomplish some of these. I was told once by a married woman that in marriage your interests and opinions grow and change together. I replied: "If your opinions grow and change together as you say they do in marriage, then that means you're not yourself anymore, you're comprimising your own uniqueness to satisfy the other person. That means at least one person in that relationship is being fake. Or maybe both." That's no way to live. I like who I am and I wouldn't change for anything. In my relationship of 6 years I was somebody different with my girlfriend than I was when I was alone or with friends. I would never do that again.
#10 There's way too many hot women out there to be tied to one for the rest of my life. I like to go to the bar and flirt with women. I would never cheat on someone but it is flattering to make a beautiful girl laugh and flirt back. With a wife, that whole scene is pretty much over.
#11 Marriage would interfere with my 24/7 obsession with football. I haven't missed a single televised football game in the 2 years that I've been single. That means 15 straight hours of football on saturdays, 10 staright hours of football on sundays. Monday night games, Thursday night games and even when they put the little unranked college teams that nobody cares about on a Tuesday. I watch it all. With a wife I'd feel pressure to pay attention to her, or actually leave the house and do something with my day. I don't need that stress. I'm a football junkie and missing even one game is enough to throw my mind into a state of panic. Football season is 5 months of "me" time. I spend it with my dad, friends, or alone. If a girl can actually hold her own in a football conversation that's extremely hot. However it's very, very, rare. Hmmm. maybe I could find a wife for 7 months out of the year. Anyway this would seem petty to most girls but it's something that I thoroughly enjoy. Once again, I like to be able to do what I want when I want.
#12 Not sure if I want kids. Many couples get married strictly because they have a child together. Sometimes it's to hide the fact that they had pre-marital sex because the parents are ultra-christian. I think anybody that doesn't have sex before marriage is dumb. (stronger than me, but dumb nonetheless) What if your partner sucks at sex? You get to look forward to an entire lifetime of unfullfillment, congrats!! Marriages based on a child can only work for so long. They rarely last. My favorite is when the couple has been miserable with one another since the wedding day but they stay together until the kids graduate. Then afterwards they realize they've wasted their entire 30's and 40's staying with someone they despised. Oh those crazy douchebags!!
#13 I will considered a cheapskate and a loser if I were to propose without a diamond ring. Even if I bought a very expensive ring, it still wouldn't be deemed acceptable in the eyes of our brain-washed society. I will never, ever, ever contribute to the genocide, rape, murder, terrorism, kidnapping, and limb-hacking that diamonds cause every single day in Africa. A diamond is a shiny rock, that is all. If it comes down to me being called a cheapskate in order for an extra five children to live an extra day then you can call me whatever you want. A rock? Or a human life? Maybe to some of you this is a tough decision. Women do seem to a have a fondness for over-expensive shiny things that serve absolutely no purpose whatsoever. (Gold, silver, other bullshit shiny rocks) It's almost laughable, it's like shaking your keys in front of an infant to get them to look at you. Well to me it's not a tough decision. A boycott on diamonds is the only answer, shame on anybody that can profit on such an easily avoidable evil!! Think I'm being unreasonable? Check this out: http://www.dashes.com/anil/2003/01/20/diamonds_are_fo
#14 Homosexuals should be allowed to marry. I don't know why they'd want to. But they should have that option if they choose. A ban on gay marriage is one of the only forms of facsim that still exsisits in the USA. Homosexuality is NOT a choice. Anybody that has taken a college psychology course will tell you that. Different brain patterns exsist in a gay brain compared to that of a straight brain. Once again I blame the Bible, Koran, and whatever other books of untruths for the weak-minded to justify this fascist agenda. I love women!! They get me hornier than hell. So that being said, why the hell would I CHOOSE to get up in some dudes nasty bunghole? Why the hell would I CHOOSE a life of ridicule, disownment from my family and other loved ones, and a sexual relationship with someone that I'm not even sexually attracted to? It's nonsense to think that ANYBODY would ever make that choice, let alone 1 out of every 10 people on the planet. But getting back to marriage. I don't think it's right that one group of people get special rights and another group gets excluded. What? Are we in the 1950's? That's segregation in its purest form. Neo-cons and religious leaders always talk about the "sanctity of marriage" and gays marrying will ruin that sactity. So I guess they are saying that they are going to divorce their spouses if gays get married. Somehow their own marriage doesn't mean spit if gay can do it too. Gays have jobs, does that mean your job isn't important? Gays eat food, does that ruin the sanctity of your own hunger? What about people like Rush Limbaugh that talk about gays ruining the so called sanctity marriage, Limbaugh has been divorced 3 times!! I think that takes away from marriage more than a gay couple that genuinely love each other for a lifetime. Convicted pedophiles, rapists, wife beaters, and murderers are able to marry as many times as they want if they are released from prison. Is that more acceptable than gays getting married too? People need to mind their own business. What goes on in somebody elses bedroom is no concern of yours. I'm just not like all of the other reindeer, I think gays should be allowed to play in all the reindeer games as well as the straights.
#15 Marriage is a crutch . That about sums it up.

As I said these are reasons "for me" NOT YOU. I didn't mean to offend. I have strong opinions on everything and this is just the beginning. Oh and before you say "Tabor, you've never been married, how can you know how bad it is"? I've lived with a girlfriend for over a year. That's basically what marriage is right? After a year I was about ready to pull my hair out, and she was a great girl. Better than anybody else as far as kindness, beauty, and understanding, in my opinion. If I couldn't find peace with her in the year we lived together, than how can I ever expect to live for 70 years with someone that might not even be as compatible as Kate and I? But my opinions are open, maybe one day I'll meet someone that just floors me and makes me change my entire outlook. I have an open mind. As I said "staying moderate" that's the key" Hope you enjoyed Bloggings vol. 1 I'm outtie-- Your favorite, and mine...Tabor


LIBSMOM said...

Hey, I appreciate you stopping by my blog and leaving me a comment. You are SO right on SO many levels and being married is quite the challenge.
I appreciate and respect your opinions and hope that you find that one special person who inspires you to WANT to be with her in all of your spare time and of course, allows you to watch all the televised football you want.
Thanks again for leaving me a comment!!

findhappy said...

I have been married for, I forgot how long and I hate my husband we dont even get along, I go back and think god I should of tasted the waters before I married,now I cant get rid of him I feel that I have been brainwashed with all the bs of fitting in and being married because everyone else is. Im not happy I rather spend my time doing something that I want and not something Im being told to do.

TABOR said...

Thanks Libsmom, yeah it seems like it would be challenging. I'm not really one that needs anymore obstacles in my life. I've dealt with enough challenges for a lifetime during my mid-20's.

TABOR said...

Wow Findhappy, you really sound like you need to find some happiness like your name suggests. Why do you remain married if you're so miserable? I think back to the main lesson we learned from the movie "American Beuty":You're never to old to get it back. Whether it be your self worth, freedom, happiness, etc. You only live once, why waste another second being unsatisfied with life?

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